Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
this boner is exhausting
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
