hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
