I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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