Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
