me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize