kristin has been a bad kristin
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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