She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
