no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
