Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize