Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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