I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
