I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
