When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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