Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
