I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
