Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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