Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
