I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
