Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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