Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
