You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
