I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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