rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
