I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
