She is in my trunk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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