its not stalking. its research.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
