Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
