I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just want to make out with him forever
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
