If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
