What tipped you off? The sombrero?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
