my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
