3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
