I think i peed on brittanys purse
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You did what with his pubic hair?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
