Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
