dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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