yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
