She is in my trunk
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
