i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
