at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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