Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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