He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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