The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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