I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
