This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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