Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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