Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You made out with two different species that night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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