I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
