saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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