One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you didnt know i had herpes?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So vagazzling was a success
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
