even my farts smell like vagina
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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