I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I need water and some morals
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
