I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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