i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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