maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize