awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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