Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
