what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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