Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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