In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
