Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
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We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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