I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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