I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
