I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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