I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
