he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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