I could make wine with my vomit
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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