420 ftw
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
