Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
