Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
