You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
