I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I love you. Go after that dick
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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