I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
