He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
