Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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