i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
