people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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