The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
