I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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